Lessons in tact

Show a group of people a picture of a figure competitor and you will get a different response from everyone in the group:

"Wow, she's jacked!"
"Man, look at those abs!"
"That's awesome, but a little too muscular for my liking"
"I wish I could look like that!"
"I would never want to look like that!"

I have seen conversations like this happen often at the gym; they arouse the interest of many a member, of all different levels of training. I have participated in conversations like this often as well, having my own opinions on the subject (most often in favour of looking lean, with abs, etc). I always took these debates at face value: we were arguing about a body, a person's physique, someone we did not know and would never meet. And I was fine with that.

Until that person in the photo became me.

It's funny how I assumed people's opinions would change because they knew the person in the photograph. They didn't. The people who found muscles amazing before found them equally amazing on me when I showed them my competition photos. The people who found muscles "disgusting" before found them disgusting on me. And that's where I took offense. I realized, wait a minute, this is me they are calling gross and ugly. My physique that offends them. As much as I would like it to be, this is no longer just about a body or a physique, this is about mine! Where before I would have participated in the conversation, now I was the subject, and it was a huge wake-up call. I was hurt.

And I thought, what if, what if I decided to call their bodies disgusting? What if, in place of their pointing out the vein in my bicep and wincing, I pointed to their flabby tricep and had a good wince of my own? What if, when they told me (to my face, no less) that my abs were "too manly", I told them theirs were too paunchy? What if when they commented on my thinned face I commented in return on their double chin?

No, of course it wouldn't be acceptable. It would be downright rude. I won't be doing that (although the thought may flit across my mind...). What I am going to do, however, is gently remind them that there is a person behind the physique with feelings. And although mine don't get hurt all that easily, I now realize how words can sting. I will, in the future, be choosing my words more carefully.

And just for the record, I still think muscles are amazing. Critics be damned.